College is right around the corner, and many of our students cannot wait to be on their own. However, students often have mixed feelings about growing up and leaving home. It’s an exciting but scary transition. When it comes to big life decisions, many of us turn to Dad for advice, so we wrote this tutorial on life from the perspective of a dad to help lift your spirits.
For older KD students, we hope this piece inspires you to ask your dad, grandfather, or fatherly figure for some advice before you head off to college. Dads tend to have a way with words, and he may know just what to say to make you feel ready to head off on your own.
A Dad’s Guide To Finding Success
1. Create a Blueprint for Your Dreams
From a young age, you’ve consistently shown remarkable strength and bravery. I remember when you had huge dreams—you wanted to be an astronaut so you could hold the world in your hand, then a detective so you could make it better, or a photographer so you could capture its beauty. Albert Einstein once said, “I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious.” I used to be skeptical about that, but since then, I have met people with IQs that surpassed Einstein’s, yet their achievements were far more underwhelming. The only difference between them and Einstein is that Einstein wasn’t afraid to chase after big dreams.
I know that you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it. But that second part is important—big goals require planning and lots of hard work. And when you break those big, over-arching goals into smaller steps that are easier to complete, that’s when the magic happens. Do you remember how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
2. Choose Your Materials Wisely
College will likely give you some of your most treasured memories and shape you in unexpected ways; however, it won’t be the season of life where you drive a sports car and live in a mansion. So don’t try to live like the Kardashians over the next four years. Instead, learn how to manage your money. You’ll quickly learn that with books, tuition, room and board, food—it all adds up fast.
A penny saved is a penny earned. Don’t spend money on unnecessary things and make use of the cafeterias as much as possible. I understand you may get tired of the food, but the best thing about “free” food (or in this case, food that you are not paying for on the spot) is usually the “free” part, not the food itself.
Remember that learning how to best manage your money is a lesson in itself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Avoid buying expensive things just to appear like the big shot on campus. That’s not who you are. Buy what you genuinely need and save the rest for later.
3. Start With a Strong Foundation
When you get to college, there will be a lot of different people from a lot of different backgrounds. Use that to your advantage and find out what you truly believe in. Work on developing a strong moral compass that will guide you later in life. This compass is something that you should find on your own, but here are some principles that have served me well:
- First, don’t cut any corners. You’re going to need to work hard. You can be born into a wealthy family, but a person who has not had to work for what they have never truly values their blessings. Hard work will give you a perspective on life which will be much more valuable than wealth.
- Second, be a sponge. Soak up as much as you can from your college experience. And that goes beyond just your classes. Try to be the last person to share your opinion on something. Not only will that allow you to make others feel listened to, but you will also learn what people have to teach.
4. Build a Strong Support System
They say that you are the average of your five closest friends, and I tend to agree. I’m not saying that every person that you hang out with has to be perfect, but you should choose friends that have similar life goals, have similar values, and can help you grow as a person.
Also keep in mind that a true friend is someone that is there for the good times and the bad times. And when your friends let you down (because it will happen), remember that you always have your family.
5. Measure Twice, Cut Once
One of the good things about always having a computer in your pocket is that if you don’t know the answer, you can Google it. If you need to know how to change a flat tire, file taxes, or even impress a crush, there are tons of videos on YouTube. Just remember not to trust everything you read online,
Sometimes, the only way to learn is to experience it for yourself. But be smart and, above all, be careful. Mistakes will happen and will help you grow, but you also don’t always have to learn the hard way. When building your future, always think critically about what’s best for you, and minimize risk as much as you can.
6. Know Where (and When) to Set Your Boundaries
At college there will inevitably be people with whom you fundamentally disagree. When you meet those people, remember that sometimes fences make good neighbors. You don’t have to burn bridges with every single person you don’t like—that might come back to bite you—but it is important to know how to put healthy boundaries in place. Boundaries are often more about your actions than they are about the people with whom you disagree. If someone treats you disrespectfully, setting boundaries does not mean you attempt to change that person’s behavior, but that you choose to walk away when the actions they take make it necessary. Be kind, but firm—your boundaries will make your relationships far healthier.
7. Take It Little by Little
If you were to capture multiple pictures of an arrow in flight, each snapshot would show the arrow completely still. If you were to add those pictures together you would find that, while adding stillness to more stillness shouldn’t create motion, it does. This is called Zeno’s paradox, and I find it to be very similar to life.
Each day you live is like a snapshot of an arrow moving toward its destination. It’s easy to believe that one day doesn’t really matter because, in the moment, you can’t see how it changes anything. However, when you zoom out and consider these snapshots in their entirety, they form the tapestry of our lives.
While a single day may not seem impactful to you, it does matter. In my life, time has passed very quickly. For example, it seems like yesterday that I was teaching you how to ride a bike. And poof! Before I know it, you’re graduated and ready to head off to college. I guess what I’m saying is, don’t waste a single day of your life. If you embrace the present and approach life little by little, day by day, eventually, I believe that you will hit the target you’ve been aiming for all along.
8. Make It a Better Place
Did I ever tell you this story? I was about your age when one day life wasn’t going as planned. I went on a bike ride into the countryside. After a few hours of cycling, I stumbled upon a cemetery that I had never noticed before. Intrigued, I got off my bike and decided to explore a little. The cemetery was very overgrown, clearly neglected for decades, maybe even a century. Moss-covered tombstones barely let me see the inscriptions. As I scraped away that moss, I started to realize something—nearly every tombstone was inscribed with the phrase, “Gone but not forgotten.”
The reason I tell you this story is because I want to illustrate an important point. Everyone thinks that they will mean something when they’re gone—and who knows, maybe they will—but usually they won’t. Instead, I think that the real legacy we should want to leave is bettering our world. So be kind to people, you never know what they are going through. Always leave your jobs, relationships, and world around you better than you found them. If you do this, even if everyone forgets you, your legacy will have a lasting impact.
9. Stay Connected
Having a support system in place is extremely important. Sports teams have coaches, and you have your family. I know that when you get to college you will want to spread your wings, but please don’t think that keeping in touch with your family means you can’t become your own person. Go out there and grow into who you want to be. I will always support that, but when you need my help (or you just want to talk) remember that I am only a phone call away. I will always be here for you, so please don’t be a stranger.
10. It’s Okay to Remodel
I am a firm believer that the only real certainty in life is that it won’t always be easy. But know that your worth as my child is not based on you always looking like a success. What matters to me most is that you learn how to overcome challenges and learn from your mistakes. When you miss an assignment, fail a test, or experience a breakup, you’ll face a choice. You can either curl up and feel sorry for yourself, or you can use that as a wake-up call to reassess your habits and strengthen the foundation of the life that you are building.
As you go through life you will learn new things. There will be times when your foundation cracks, and you may need to make renovations. Change is inevitable. But if you at least remember some of the things I’ve taught you, I know you’ll build a beautiful life for yourself.
Love,
Dad
